When you’re the person your colleagues always vent to

Divani (not her real name) is a senior analyst at a large telecommunications firm. Yoga pilates freiburg She proudly describes herself as her department’s “resident cheer-upper.” As she says, “I have always been the person that people turn to for support…I listen really well and I like to listen, I like to help.” But the year before I spoke to her, Divani’s organization was going through a major change initiative: “I already had so much on my plate and so many colleagues were leaning on me, turning to me to process, commiserate, ask for advice. Bikram yoga san jose meridian It was hard to get through my own deadlines and also be there for my coworkers. Yoga pants pics tumblr I was drowning in stress and nearing burnout.” She told us about feeling down on Sunday nights, feeling increasingly angry and cynical, and having trouble sleeping because she couldn’t “shut my mind off.” She took up smoking after having given it up for four years and let her exercise routine falter.

Divani is what Peter Frost and one of us (Sandra) termed a “toxic handler,” someone who voluntarily shoulders the sadness, frustration, bitterness, and anger that are endemic to organizational life just as joy and success are. Videos de yoga para embarazadas Toxic handlers can be found at all levels of the organization, particularly in roles that span disparate groups. Yoga for asthma video And they are by no means confined to management roles.


Yoga for concentration with pictures Their work is difficult and critical even if it often goes uncelebrated; it keeps organizations positive and productive even as the individuals within it necessarily clash and tussle. Corporate yoga benefits By carrying others’ confidences, suggesting solutions to interpersonal issues, working behind the scenes to prevent pain, and reframing difficult messages in constructive ways, toxic handlers absorb the negativity in day-to-day professional life and allow employees to focus on constructive work. Prana yoga miami You and Your Team Series Emotional Intelligence

Reduce symptoms of stress. Dahn yoga exercises Turn to tried and true methods for stress relief: meditation, exercise, enough sleep, and healthful eating. Power yoga for weight loss youtube Because toxic handlers have trouble doing things just for themselves, keep in mind that you’re helping your colleagues by taking care of yourself. Prenatal yoga Set your colleagues as your intention for your meditation or yoga practice.

Pick your battles. Laughter yoga manchester It’s hard to ask yourself where you’ll have the most impact if you’re emotionally drawn to every problem, but it’s an exercise that will allow you to be more helpful where you can actually make a difference. Yoga poses for beginners Who is likely to be fine without your help? In which situations have you not even made a dent, despite your best efforts? Step away from these interactions.

• Convey empathy: make it clear that you feel for your colleague in their pain—you’re not denying that they are having a legitimate emotional response to a situation.

• Tell them you’re currently not in a position to be most helpful to them right now, and, to the extent you are comfortable, explain the reasons why.

• Consider alternative sources of support: refer them to another support person in the organization, or someone having a similar experience (so they can provide mutual support to one another). Ashtanga yoga mantra audio Suggest an article, book, or other resource on the topic (be it something on managing conflict or handling office politics). Namaste yoga Or, if you know from experience that the person is good at coming up with creative solutions themselves, you can simply offer them encouragement to do so.

• Recognize that conflicts are often better solved by the parties directly involved. Uptown sunstone yoga schedule If you’re stepping in repeatedly, you’re not helping people acquire the skills and tools they need to succeed.

• Question whether you are truly the only one that can help in a particular situation. Yoga ottawa Enlist trusted others in the organization to help you think through this—you may identify a way to share the load.

• Remember that there is only so much of you to go around: saying yes to one more person necessarily means that you are agreeing to do less for those people and projects you have already committed to.

Form a community. Pilates plus oc Find other toxic handlers to turn to for support—these could be others in similar roles in your organization, or other team members whom you see dealing with the fallout from the same toxic leader. Yoga poses to lose weight You can also identify a pal to vent to, or create a more formal group that comes together regularly to share their experiences. Yoga chair pose This is a particularly good option if your whole team or organization is going through turmoil and you know there are others experiencing the same challenges. Moksha yoga winnipeg Keep these outlets from turning into repetitive venting sessions by focusing the conversation on creative problem solving and advice.

Take breaks. Yoga london uk These can be as small or as dramatic as you need. Rodney yee am yoga youtube Divani started working with her door closed, which she had never done before. Yoga tapes online “I felt terrible about this, as if I was abandoning my coworkers that needed me. Yoga in But if I lost my job I wasn’t going to be much good to anybody,” she explained. Yoga for diabetes by baba ramdev in hindi Consider giving yourself a mental health day off of work or planning a significant vacation. Sumits yoga tempe In more dramatic situations, you could also consider a temporary reassignment of your role; because jobs that require you to mediate between multiple teams or groups tend to come under particular fire, if you are able to step away from that role for a time you’re more likely to get the respite you need.

These breaks don’t need to be forever, though. Prenatal yoga first trimester video “Things have since calmed down at work,” Divani has reported, “and I find I have gravitated back to being the person people lean on for emotional support, but at this point it is totally doable.”

Make a change. Yoga for surfers 3 If nothing you are doing has resulted in a shift, your best option may be to leave. Beginner yoga classes chicago Sheung-Li explained: “After two years of this [toxic situation], and at the encouragement of my wife, I saw a therapist. Yoga rope wall measurements It then became clear to me this work reality was not going to change, this toxic manager was not going anywhere, and the stress was eating me alive, and I am the one that needed to change. Beginner yoga poses youtube I did a bunch of things but I think the key thing I did was I ended up making a lateral move in our company to escape this role and to protect my long-term well-being. Yoga fitness It was the best decision I ever made.”

Consider therapy. What is yoga therapy used for It may sound dramatic, but Sheung-Li’s bid to talk to a therapist is a highly useful one. Yoga today meditation A trained psychologist can help you identify burnout, manage your symptoms of stress, help you learn to say “no,” and work through any guilt. Maha yoga philadelphia pa Not only can they help you protect yourself from the emotional vagaries of being a toxic handler; they can also assist you in your role. Yoga one houston midtown schedule Clinical psychologists themselves are trained to listen to their clients empathetically without taking on their emotions. Bikram yoga dallas They can help you build the skills you need to help others without absorbing as much of the emotional burden yourself.

Lastly, here are some things we suggest you avoid. Inhale yoga venice While they seem like good solutions on the surface, they often aren’t as helpful as you’d think.

Just venting. Mandala yoga studio budapest While it’s good to unburden yourself of your emotions—catharsis can reduce aggression—too much venting can actually increase stress levels. Yoga ottawa east You want to move forward, rather than dwelling on problems. Earth yoga palma de mallorca And this is as true for those confiding in you as it is for you! When people come to you to vent consider saying something like, “I hear you! How about we think about what we can change to make this better?”

Going to your boss or HR. Yoga instructor salary nyc Sadly the role of toxic handler is often under-recognized and under-appreciated in organizations, despite its tremendous value. Pilates plus encino This means that while your boss may want to help, it can be risky for them in many organizational cultures. Pranayama techniques and benefits Similarly many firms are unlikely to intervene in a toxic situation on behalf of the handler.

Yet toxic handlers are critical to the emotional well-being of organizations and the people in them. Yoga room round rock If you’re a toxic handler, learn to monitor yourself for signs of emotional or physical fatigue—and know how to step away when you need to—so that you can keep doing what you do best.

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